DANGEROUS
NOTORIOUS QUOTES
. . . Recording an album tonight and tomorrow . . . Don't worry. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later . . .
It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick . . .
Now, I'm no bleeding heart, OK? But . . . when you're walking down the streets of New York City and you're stepping over a guy on the sidewalk who, I don't know, might be dead . . . does it ever occur to you to think, "Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?"
Man! Some of these guys though, they look healthy. I don't get it. They're just fuckin' bums, you know what I mean? Very idea they want me to just give them the hard-earned money my folks send to me every week. Fuck! You leech, get a job, man. My dad works eight hours a day for this money!
Been on what I call my Flying Saucer Tour, which means, like flying saucers, I too have been appearing in small Southern towns in front of handfuls of hilbillies lately and, uh, been doubting my own existence.
I was in Nashville, Tennessee. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, but I was hungry . . . I'm eating and I'm readng a book. Fine. Right? Waitress comes over to me: "What you readin' for?" I said, "Wow, I've never been asked that. Goddang it, you stumped me. Not what am I reading, but what am I reading for? I guess I read for a lot of reasons, but one of the main ones is so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress!
I'd quit smoking if I didn't think I'd become one of them [obnoxious, self-righteous nonsmokers]. . . . I'm smoking and you come up coughing at me. Jesus! You go up to crippled people dancin', too, you fucks? "Well, hey, Mr. Wheelchair. What's you're problem? Come on, Ironside. Race ya!" You fucking sadist. I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die. Deal? Thank you, America.
I love when people in New York City complain about your smoking. Isn't that great? Yeah. These people are standing ankle-deep in dog links, straddling a dead guy, you know. Apparently my cigarette's fucking up the delicate balance of nature here.
. . . what's cool is every pack has a different Surgeon General's warning. Isn't that great? Mine say: "Warning: Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth." Fuck it! Ha ha ha! Found my brand. Just don't get the ones that say "lung cancer"...
Rock stars hawing Diet Cokes! What real rock star would do something like that, you know? . . . You don't see the imminent danger, do you? You're staring at me like, "Bill, they're just musicians, and they're, you know, and they're just doing their thing, and - NO! They are DEMONS SET LOOSE ON THE EARTH TO LOWER THE STANDARDS FOR THE PERFECT AND HOLY CHILDREN OF GOD!
George Bush says we are losing the war on drugs. You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it. Ha ha ha ha! What does that tell you about drugs? Some smart, creative people on that side.
News is supposed to be objective, isn't it? . . . But every drugs story is negative? . . . Same LSD story every time: "Young man on acid, thought he could fly, jumped out of a building. What a tragedy." What a dick! Don't go blaming acid on this guy. If he thought he could fly, why didn't he take off from the ground first to check it out? . . . I'd like to see a positive LSD story. Would that be newsworthy? Just once? Hear what it's all about? "Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather."
Don't put pot in the drug category. It's an 'erb, man. Like tea. Not only do I think pot should be legalized, I think it should be mandatory. . . . That'd be a nice world. Mellow, hungry, quiet, fucked up people everywhere.
Did you watch the flag-burning thing? Wasn't that great? Boy, everyone showed their true colors then, didn't they? Retarded nation that we are. Scary. People just - people acted as though the Supreme Court approved of flag-burning, you know what I mean? . . . People were just: "Hey, buddy. Let me tell you something. My daddy died for that flag." Really? Wow, I bought mine. Yeah, they sell 'em, you know, at K-Mart and shit, yeah. "Yeah? He died in the Korean War for that flag!" Oh! What a coincidence. Mine was from Korea. Wow, the world is that big.
. . . I don't approve of flag-burning. I don't wanna burn a flag, but if somebody wants to burn a flag, what business is it of mine? Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag? Is it? No. No, it's not. Is it my business what other people read or watch on TV? NO, IT'S NOT! Thank you! You see, when you talk these things out they come a little clearer, don't they? They do. that's called logic and it'll help us all evolve and get on the fuckin' spaceships and GET OUTTA HERE! Let's go!
. . . I'll tell you how you can solve this abortion thing right now. Those unwanted babies that women leave in alleys and in dumpsters? Leave about twelve of them on the Supreme Court steps. Ha ha ha. This is over -- like that. "You guys said we have to have 'em, well then you guys FUCKIN' RAISE 'EM!
. . . I always used to get from bosses: "Hicks, how come you're not workin'?" I'd go: "There's nothing to do." And they'd go: "Well, you pretend like you're workin'." "Yeah, why don't you pretend I'm workin'? You get paid more than me. You fantasize, buddy. Hell. Pretend I'm mopping. Knock yourself out. I'll pretend they're buying stuff; we can close up. . . .
Remember summer vacation with your folks? Does anybody get the concept behind that? We did not get along together in a five-bedroom house. Dad's idea was to put all of us in a car - and drive through the desert at the hottest time of the year. Pfft! Good call,Dad! Let's confront our tensions!
I've had a vision. And what it is, is although this is a world where good men are murdered in their prime, and mediocre hacks thrive and proliferate, I gotta share this with ya, 'cause I love you and you feel that. You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defense every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world,which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, not one, we could, as one race, explore outer space together in peace forever. You've been great. Thank you. (three gunshots)